Lord Voldemoose
by LadySnark
Summary: what happens when you mix the Dark Lord and alcohol?


Lord Voldemoose

Dumbledore was dead. Tonight was a happy occasion for the Death Eaters. Voldemort would deal with Draco's disobedience later. "Narcissa, do you have anything suitable to drink for our celebration?" Voldemort asked. "Of course, my Lord," she replied. She went to a hidden staircase and proceeded into the dark bowels of Malfoy Manor. In the meantime, Voldemort looked around the large, lavish parlor. He saw several hunting trophies, both magical and muggle. There was a stuffed manticore in the corner, a dragon's head above the fireplace, and a moose head on the opposite wall. It had a very large set of antlers. After 10 minutes Narcissa came back with several bottles of aged fire whiskey. With her came Bellatrix, Severus, Wormtail, and Fenrir Greyback. "Please come and sit. Tippy! Bring glasses and scones," Voldemort called softly. An old looking house elf popped into view. He was balancing a tray of scones on his head, while trying not to drop the heavy tray of goblets in his hands. He set the trays down on the coffee table, then opened one of the bottles of fire whiskey and poured everyone a glass. "A toast to the Dark Lord! This victory has shaken them to their core!" Snape said. Everyone drained their glasses and tippy refilled them. "To the Dark Lord! Victory in this war will come swiftly!" cried Bellatrix. She never could handle alcohol too well. She was getting tipsy after her second drink. "We got into Hogwarts right under Dumbledore's nose!" cried Fenrir. "Great and powerful wizard my arse," said Narcissa. Tippy was getting busy filling glasses now, and they were already halfway through the second bottle. "Should tippy go get more fire whiskey, Mistress?" asked Tippy. "Sure, sure," slurred Narcissa. With a pop, Tippy was gone. "Dumbledore was a stupid old man," said Severus. "Damn right you are," agreed Voldemort. "This is good stuff. What is it again?" "Fire whiskey, sir," answered Narcissa. Tippy reappeared with 3 more bottles. "I'm so happy, I could dance!" shouted Bellatrix. She leapt onto the coffee table, but before she could do anything she slipped on some spilled fire whiskey and fell on to the floor. Voldemort laughed. When the laughing stopped, he leaned back into his chair. His eyes felt really heavy. He blinked trying to get rid of the feeling, and finally just closed his eyes. "Wow, Moldevort! Oops, I mean Voldemort," slurred Fenrir. "Hey, it's Vord Loldemort. Oh damn that didn't come out right," said a very drunk Severus Snape. "Hey is he asleep?" Severus cautiously (or as cautiously as a drunken man can) walked over to Voldemort and tapped him in the head. Voldemort didn't stir. Severus then got a very evil idea. When he was a child, he had heard from a friend's brother that the first to fall asleep at parties got pranked. He looked around the room, laying his eyes first on the manticore, then the moose head. With an evil giggle, he said "Hey I have an idea." "Is it fun?" asked Bellatrix. "Oh it's very fun." He levitated the moose head off the wall, and began to yank one of its antlers off. "Let me help," slurred Fenrir. He began pulling on the other antler. They succeeded in pulling off the antlers. "Fenrir, hold the antlers by Voldemort's head. Adhaero," muttered Severus. Fenrir let go of the antlers and joined Severus in front of the chair. "It's Lord Voldemoose!!!" cackled Bellatrix. "We're gonna be in so much trouble when he wakes up," said a frightened Wormtail_. A little revenge never hurts _thought Severus

The next morning Severus woke up with a blistering head ache. He looked around the room. Bellatrix and Narcissa had claimed the 2 couches in the room; Fenrir was lying on the coffee table cuddling an empty bottle of fire whiskey. He didn't get a chance to look in Voldemort's direction, because Tippy suddenly burst in the door yelling "Time to get up! Tippy has breakfast and pepper up potion!" this was greeted by 2 feminine shrieks, a thrown bottle, and a badly aimed killing curse. Tippy looked scared but poured everyone a glass of pepper up potion. He noticed the moose head on the floor, and the fact that it had no antlers. When Tippy looked in the direction of the Dark Lord, he wasn't sure whether to laugh or scream. Either way, he looked horrified. "What are you staring at, elf?" hissed Voldemort. Tippy conjured a mirror and held it out to Voldemort. "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?!" yelled Voldemort. "Tippy should have limited alcohol, looking back," said Tippy thoughtfully. Everyone was now looking at Voldemort. "Oh my goodness," whispered Narcissa. "If this is permanent nobody leaves this room alive," Voldemort said. He waved his wand and the antlers fell off his head. "How much did we have to drink, anyway?" asked Severus. "Oh 5 bottles, I think," answered Fenrir. Every one was sober now, thanks to the pepper up potion, "What happened?" asked Narcissa. No one noticed as Bellatrix nudged a camera farther under the couch with her foot. "Well, Tippy? You didn't get drunk. What happened?" Voldemort asked. "Bellatrix sent me away so I don't know," replied Tippy. "Well alcohol, can tamper with the mind. One night my father came home drunk as a skunk and trashed the entire house. When he woke up he didn't remember a thing," said Severus. "I'm inclined top believe you because I myself can't remember a thing," replied Voldemort. "Well I say let's never speak of this to anyone," said Fenrir. "Agreed," replied Voldemort. "Aren't there people to terrorize?" asked Bellatrix.

Epilogue: In the Great hall

Hundreds of owls flew into the great hall. "Oh look, the mail's here," said Ginny. The Daily Prophet was dropped in front of her. "Anything interesting today?" asked Neville. He looked over at Ginny and was startled by the horrified look on her face. "What's wrong?" asked Neville. Ginny turned the front page of the Daily Prophet towards him. There for the world to see was Voldemort, asleep and sporting antlers. "Is there an article?" asked Neville. "Just a short one," replied Ginny. "This photo was submitted by an anonymous party. This party didn't explain how this happened-Rita Skeeter." "Wait until Harry sees this," snickered Neville.


End file.
